


Mental Breaker

by Changkyunnnie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Edited a bit from initial posting, M/M, dorm set up where kihyun and wonho drink coffee in the morning, mornings with kiho i guess., they just drink coffee, this isnt necessarily angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13694325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Changkyunnnie/pseuds/Changkyunnnie
Summary: Hoseok always feels like he is being lifted up, securely and confidently and in that very split second that he believes he’s safe, Kihyun lets go. Kihyun will hurriedly leave Hoseok free falling and possibly crashing down into the unknown.Consciously, he knows he should really be saying something about their situation but Hoseok despite himself, is just as scared as Kihyun is.





	Mental Breaker

 

**_"This fluttering excitement lasts only a moment,_ **

**_I'm locked in this great confusion."_ **

 

 

 

It’s too early in the morning for Kihyun’s constant game of push and pull.

 

 _‘No.’_ Hoseok corrects his train of thought. There was no correct time or place where Kihyun should be practicing this constant game with him and yet here they were time and time again.

 

It’s a constant loop of Hoseok thinking it would be the last time.

He always finds himself allowing Kihyun to silently reach out to him; carefully, lovingly and passionately wrapping Hoseok up in a kind of warmth and love only Kihyun could give him. Every moment is genuine, he knows it.

In those moments the younger looks at him as if he was the only good thing Kihyun has ever seen in this world, and maybe he was. Hoseok doesn’t need anyone to tell him that it’s the same way he looks at the younger man all the time.  

 

In the few seconds that the most honest gaze Kihyun fixes on him spreads into Hoseok’s whole being elating him to heights he never could imagine- the younger would stop and look away faster than the dreamlike and tension filled moments that had lead him to reaching out to the older.

It’s always like a slap of reality hitting Hoseok the moment Kihyun retracts everything he just did. It was always with so much intensity the way Kihyun pulls away, as if it was wrong, as if them being together more than they’d like to admit was something wrong.

 

Hoseok always feels like he is being lifted up, securely and confidently and in that very split second that he believes he’s safe, Kihyun lets go. Kihyun will hurriedly leave Hoseok free falling and possibly crashing down into the unknown.

These moments should stop entirely and yet every time, in every occasion, Hoseok ends up allowing the younger man to do it again.

 

Consciously, he knows he should really be saying something about their situation but Hoseok despite himself, is just as scared as Kihyun is.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hoseok fixes his gaze at the younger man who was looking anywhere but his direction. If it was anyone other than Yoo Kihyun, the person would have already said an apology and left the tension filled room.

Instead of running away, Kihyun continues to sit directly in front of Hoseok, drinking his coffee like no one’s business while Hoseok’s whole being tries to cool down from the high. This, he decides is really what injustice feels like.

 

The fact is, Kihyun’s a really good actor and Hoseok can’t help but wonder if under the painfully neutral expression painted on his perfect little face, Kihyun feels the same way he does. This thought always comes to mind when he realizes that Kihyun’s eyes are obviously trying to avoid Hoseok’s, as always.

Is he also at the edge of bursting into his own feelings?

Maybe just like him, Kihyun also wonders what would have happened if he didn’t pull away. Maybe.

 

 _“Kihyunnie.”_ Hoseok says, voice rough. It’s the first word he’s spoken since he’s woken up.

 _“Hoseok-hyung.”_ Kihyun replies, voice smooth and sweet. He takes another sip of his coffee.

 

Hoseok thinks it really is quite unfair.

 

At barely six in the morning, no one should be experiencing this kind of domestically painful tension.

 

_“Thanks for the coffee.”_

_“You’re welcome.”_

 

Hoseok wants to say so much more than just thanks. But he can’t because it’s too early and he’s feeling too hot from Kihyun’s touch. He doesn’t trust his brain to function correctly in this kind of almost comically distressing situation.

 

At barely six in the morning, Kihyun really shouldn’t be leaning in too close to Hoseok from across the small dining table. He shouldn’t be reaching his pale pretty hands toward the other man and making them cup Hoseok’s face so tenderly. He should not be allowed to be wordlessly leaning in to Hoseok’s space and being able to let his nimble fingers carefully swipe off the barely noticeable coffee remnants from Hoseok’s soft lips.

He shouldn’t be allowed to just pull away from Hoseok just like that. Smug as he casually takes his seat again in front of the older as if he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary.

 

Kihyun shouldn’t really be allowed to be doing just that, but Hoseok still lets him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like 1 hour to take a break from thesis and idk what happened here. lmao. bye. I dedicate this to my kiho mom (you know who you are)
> 
> The lyrics are from Block B's Mental Breaker (and the title too!).
> 
> [Some sentences has been edited but I’m sure I missed some things again. Also my grammar is questionable so??! :( sorry]


End file.
